How schools can support grieving children and parents

13th November 2025

St Luke’s Compassionate Schools programme encourages and empowers conversations in schools and colleges about death and dying so that staff and pupils can help support and comfort children and young people, and their families, when they are facing the loss of someone close.

Figures show that one in 29 children in the UK are affected by the terminal illness or loss of a close family member – that’s roughly one child in every classroom. Through our close contact with local families in times of crisis, we know how important it is for grieving children to feel well supported not only by their class teachers, but also by their fellow pupils and other school staff.

Adopting the Compassionate Schools ethos means better understanding of bereavement and the emotions associated with it, and an attitude of caring and kindness becomes an integral part of the school day.

St Luke’s role is to provide guidance for a whole school approach to opening discussions, establishing procedures for support, and offering appropriate awareness sessions to staff so they can set children and young people up with compassionate knowledge and skills to can carry with them into adulthood.

We championed the initiative in 2017 and there has been ongoing demand ever since. To date over 30 education establishments, including primary, secondary, and higher education, in the city of Plymouth and in the wider communities of West and South West Devon and East Cornwall, have engaged with the programme. Several of these are now proudly recognised as Compassionate Schools while others are working towards achieving this status.

As a charity serving the local community, St Luke’s three-year strategy (2024-2027) prioritises the implementation of the Compassionate Schools programme as a key part of our Community Development work to improve death literacy and build a more compassionate society.

Leigham Primary School, Plymouth, is a shining of example of how becoming a Compassionate School not only benefits children and families who are coping with the death of a family member but also promotes a more supportive environment for everyone.

Headteacher Sam Barker explained: “At Leigham Primary School, we are incredibly passionate about providing support to bereaved children and families and those going through anticipatory grief. Being recognised as a Compassionate School and hearing about the positive impact of our work on our pupils and families has made this journey so worthwhile.

“Our children are supported by peers (Compassionate Buddies) and adults (Compassionate Friends) in school. Our lunchtime drop-in Starfish Club is incredibly popular and provides a safe space for support, reflection or even a distraction. Our memory tree in the library is a lovely way for families to remember loved ones at special times.

“Our school project has been so well led by Shana Marsh, Gemma Tucker and Tamsin Bentley. It really has become part of what we stand for and weaves through our values at Leigham.

“As headteacher, it was my own grief and personal experiences which compelled me to sign up to the Compassionate Schools project. I lost both my mum Susan Pollard (who managed a St Luke’s charity shop) and my dad within a few weeks of each other. My own difficulties navigating grief made me so passionate about ensuring that our pupils had support in place to help them through such difficult times.”

A parent whose daughters have received bereavement support at Leigham Primary, has nothing but praise for the school’s approach.

She said: “The Compassionate Schools group has had a deeply positive impact on my children following the devastating loss of their beloved daddy who was only 27. The girls were aged six and three at the time.

“When everything felt uncertain and overwhelming, the support we received gave my children a sense of understanding, safety, and belonging that they truly needed. Being a grieving wife, whilst supporting my girls was the hardest task I have ever undertaken, but the support made it a much easier situation for me.

“Through the specialised groups my daughters have been able to connect with others who had experienced similar losses or understood their loss. The Compassionate Friends offered them space to express their feelings openly and without judgment and gently guided them through their grief with empathy and care.

“The support wasn’t just emotional; it was practical too. I’ve seen my girls grow stronger, more open, and more able to carry their grief with them in a healthy, supported way. Talking about daddy isn’t so sad any more. The memories are cherished, and we can all talk openly.

“Not every day is easy, but they are certainly easier with the support we receive from Leigham Primary School, even three years on.

“We are incredibly grateful to The Compassionate Friends for their work, they continue to bring comfort, hope, and healing to families like ours at a time when it is most needed. Nothing is too much trouble and on the harder days, open arms are available. I cannot thank the school enough for everything they do for the girls.”

Another parent, whose young sons have been supported at Leigham Primary, added: “More schools need this in place. Friends I have told about the support we have received don’t have anything like it in their children’s schools. I am so thankful.

“At the end of their foundation year, my sons’ Grandad began to fall very ill with his long-term illness.  St Luke’s were hugely involved and so amazing in supporting and caring for us all. We sadly lost their Grandad on 4 August 2024.  He was surrounded by all the family, including the two boys, at home. My sons were both massively affected by this loss and starting Year One was another massive milestone for them.

“I emailed the headteacher before the beginning of term to explain what had happened. My family and I were blown away by the compassion and love and support for myself as well as for my boys. From the first day of Year One things were put in place. The boys joined the Starfish Group and the first thing they made was a rainbow. They both came home and put it next to their granddad’s picture where it still sits to this day. They have done so much more with the Starfish Group such as Christmas time with the school tree, as well as normal visits as and when they need them.

“One of the boys still struggles a lot more than the other. A staff member saw this and started a little memory book with him. She took time to sit with him and learn more about the amazing relationship that he had with his Grandad, and they wrote memories down. He still carries this to school every day.

“The Starfish Group is there as and when I need, as are the compassionate, loving teachers who still support my boys, including last week when it was their Grandad’s birthday.”

Would your school or college like to know more about the Compassionate Schools programme? Email community.development@stlukes-hospice.org.uk

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