Big-hearted march backs care that goes the extra mile

Creating happy memories has always been a special part of Matt and Kelley Avery’s life together. A formidable, fun-loving team, they’ve certainly collected a bumper package of magic moments over the past 17 years, despite weathering some very tough times.

The couple have shared numerous incredible holidays in the UK and around the world, on their own, with friends, and with their children. They’ve danced the night away at family and friends’ weddings and been the life and soul of countless dinner parties and new year celebrations, as well as murder mystery and hot tub evenings they’ve hosted at home.

And who could forget the romantic hot air balloon adventure that former Miss Plymouth Kelley booked as a surprise that confirmed she and Matt were made for each other?

But they certainly didn’t expect to be adding to their positive standout memories when Matt was admitted to St Luke’s specialist unit a few weeks ago, weak and in terrible pain.

Nevertheless, there were a few big surprises in store for the carpenter, funky house DJ and Rat Pack fan and his wife – not least him feeling well enough to go home to Sherford, where he’s now spending precious time with Kelley, their daughters Madison, 15, and Lacey,11, son Harrison, six, and spaniel Chester, nearly 13.

On top of expert care, the whole family – including the dog – felt welcomed, supported and thoroughly spoilt by St Luke’s friendly and understanding teams who all went above and beyond to create a positive experience.

There was an impromptu birthday party for Matt, Halloween fun with pumpkins, quiet times with his parents in the hospice gardens, arts and crafts sessions for the children and a unique Plymouth Argyle treat that put the icing on the cake.

“Four weeks ago, I was up in bed in complete pain thinking that was it. I went into St Luke’s at Turnchapel with worries because you think ‘Am I going to be able to come out?’ Some people don’t. But there are people who do, and I am one of them,” said Matt. “I had such a good experience in there, the way they looked after me and reassured me all the time.”

Matt was first diagnosed with a rare form of cancer – GIST or gastro intestinal stromal tumours – when he was 31, back in 2009. The news came just five weeks before he and Kelley were due to get married. Matt had started chemotherapy treatment, but the wedding went ahead as planned at Plymouth’s Continental Hotel, with 140 guests – and more in the evening, when a Rat Pack singer sang some of Matt’s favourite songs. “The best wedding present was being told that he was responding to treatment,” said Kelley.

After a successful operation on his bowel and liver at Derriford Hospital, Matt has continued on slow release chemo treatment ever since, enjoying months and years of feeling fit and well, interspersed with sporadic bouts of ill health.

Cancer was part of his and Kelley’s everyday reality, but they didn’t let it stop them living life to the full or affect their dreams of adding to their family. Lacey was born in 2012, Matt trained hard and ran the Plymouth Half Marathon in 2015 in just two hours, and in 2017 the couple welcomed Harrison into the world.

Kelley, a former Miss Plymouth, who worked for an estate agency, said: “I thought the best thing to do was to keep to a routine with the children, with work and with life in general. Of course, the focus is going to be on the person who is poorly, but you have to be the glue holding things together.

“The week leading up to each check-up appointment would be filled with stress and tears, then that would be it for another three months. It was time to put worries to the back of our minds and we lived like that for years. It was hard going, but we had some great times.”

As a family they enjoyed lots of caravan holidays in Cornwall, heading for Polzeath, where Matt could indulge in his love of surfing and the children became confident “water babies”. Another favourite has been Center Parcs, where they relished adventures on two wheels.

Matt added: “We are quite positive people and that is what has got us through. We gradually got into a routine. I looked fit and healthy and normal and generally life was manageable.”
But despite additional expert input from Cambridge GIST specialist Dr Ramesh Bulusu, eventually the cancer spread to Matt’s bones, and he started radiotherapy treatment.

In January this year the doctors told Matt there was no more they could do to treat him and in October his health took a turn for the worse. He was unable to eat and was losing weight fast. He and Kelley had been referred to St Luke’s and they called clinical nurse specialist Debbie Hutchinson for advice.

“We got the doctor out and Debbie came too. For pain management’s sake they said let’s get you into Turnchapel,” recalled Matt. “I was not ready in my mind for that. I don’t know how it’s going to be down the road, but my feelings then were, ‘I’m not ready for this but I need it’.

“They made me feel so welcome. The care they give you is so different. I got to know all the nurses and staff and you are on first name terms with everybody, including the doctors. They are so friendly and so polite.

“They started off trying to control my pain and my nausea. I hadn’t really eaten for weeks. When I was on chemo it was a form of treatment that made me put weight on – and I liked a pasty too. But I’d gone down from 15 stone in January to 11 stone.

“When you are medicated up, days just go by and you don’t even know if you’ve been fed or not. Then, when you are feeling like you can get up and do stuff, they are still there and you realise what they have done for you.”

A week after he was admitted, it was Matt’s 46th birthday and the St Luke’s team pulled out all the stops to help make it a memorable day for him, Kelley, the children and their close family.

Matt said: “We’d had a meal out booked for the Saturday with family and friends, but we couldn’t do that. The staff rallied round and got pizza and balloons and we had a family gathering. It was just a lovely thing for them to do.” They also surprised him with a cake and a rousing chorus of Happy Birthday.

“It was very important for the occasion to be marked, especially for the children. That personal touch was just lovely,” added Kelley, who has nothing but praise for the support they received from the whole inpatient team and individuals like Debbie, and support worker Lisa who is part of the team on the Patches programme that helps patients’ children and grandchildren.

“St Luke’s have been amazing for me, Matt and the children. Patches has been great. They have provided arts and crafts and fun stuff the children can do.”

At Halloween, Kelley, Madison, Lacey and Harrison brought in Chester the dog, along with some pumpkins, and spent time together carving them into ghoulish faces in the unit’s family kitchen. “Matt was given a really, really small pumpkin to carve. Then we came out into the garden and it was all lit up. We were able to put the pumpkins out all in a row. To share that moment together was very, very important. It was an opportunity to make memories that we might not have had,” said Kelley.

Perhaps the most spectacular memories the family made together was when football fan Debbie told Matt she had two tickets for him for Argyle’s match against Middlesborough on 4 November.
“I’ve always been an Argyle fan. I’m from Plymouth so it’s going to be my number one team. I couldn’t thank her enough… and then it escalated,” recalled Matt.

Argyle player Finn Azaz, one of St Luke’s regular volunteers, went to meet Matt in his room at the hospice with volunteer Elliott Darcy, who coordinates Argyle visits for St Luke’s patients and their families. A 20-minute visit turned into an hour and a half.

“I could have been sitting in the pub with them having a chat. We got on really well,” said Matt. “Then Finn asked what is your son called and does he like football?”

The next thing Matt heard was that Finn had put Harrison forward as a mascot for the match. On the day, Matt was there in the crowd with Kelley’s dad when Finn brought the six-year-old onto the pitch in front of a huge, cheering Green Army. And that wasn’t all. Harrison was given a new Argyle kit and his sisters also got to watch the game and meet all the players.

“It was a brilliant day and we cannot thank Finn and Argyle and St Luke’s enough for all of it. It’s made the best memories,” said Matt, who is grateful to be back on his feet.

“You get that stigma about going into St Luke’s. Four weeks ago, I was up in bed in complete pain thinking that was it. They’ve sent me home with the right medication and they’ve explained everything. And we have great after care. I didn’t even know hospice care at home existed. Debbie might as well move in!”

Kelley added: “We’d felt like we were in such a hole in a way. Matt’s quality of life was quite small. When things came to the point when he was in so much pain, we thought St Luke’s would be end of life care. But there was light at the end of the tunnel and we actually got Matt back.”

She has this advice for anyone who find themself in a similar situation: “It’s important to make sure you have a good connection with someone like St Luke’s, or the Mustard Tree at Derriford.
“When they say give us a call if you need anything, do call them. Everybody needs support. You can never get through this on your own.”

The couple are also incredibly grateful to all their family – especially Matt’s mum and dad, his brother Scott, and Kelley’s parents – for being there to support them in so many ways.

Last, but not least, Matt has some special words for his children: “We are very, very proud of them. I’d like to tell them to keep being yourselves and working hard! They each have their own personalities and they are all very caring. We are so lucky.”